25 Aug

“And then I got into my car and departed… I was surprised, as always, by how easy the act of leaving was, and how good it felt. The world was suddenly rich with possibility.” (Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild)

465I can still remember, it feels like yesterday actually, when me and my siblings gave my mother a birthday card for her 40th. It had a medieval castle on the outside, with the words “Welcome in the Middle Ages!” We thought it was hysterical, never for one second realizing that THAT CARD will be presented to us one day.

Well, THAT DAY and THAT CARD is coming my way. As on 9 October I will celebrate turning 40 and I can unequivocally state that I am doing it in a fabulous and fearless way. And doing it in the only way I know how – by just doing it! (Like someone joked the other day, “We should just call her Nike, because she just does it!”)

So therefore, I have only one thing to ask of you – with my head in the clouds and my hand on my heart and my feet firmly planted on mother earth, let me be who I am, even if it makes no sense to you whatsoever. If I don’t harm anybody with my words or actions, if I’m a considerate human being with respect for my fellow earthlings (human and not), if I don’t cause chaos and destruction with whatever I deem fit to do with my life, then let me be me. No matter if it doesn’t fit in with what is perceived ‘normal’ or ‘right’ or ‘appropriate’ in your eyes for a woman of 40. What does that mean anyway, a house with a white picket fence, husband, two-point-two kids and a dog?

You can try as much as you like to try and squeeze me into one of those boxes that apparently exist and that everybody does apparently and supposedly has to fit into. But sorry, this is not going to happen as there is no box for me to fit into because I don’t belong in one. How do you fit a square into a circle or a triangle into a rectangle anyway? Not that I’m any of these anyway, my shape doesn’t exist, as there’s nobody like me.

I sleep soundly at night (except when it’s full moon, don’t ask…), and I don’t regret anything I’m doing. Sorry, this is a lie; there is one thing I do regret – waiting way too long to start living life to the fullest, and on my terms. But no more. It’s my life and I am doing it my way!

If this means purposefully not conforming to a certain set of perceived requirements, not going-with-the-flow, and not having a bond for that aforementioned dwelling with accompanying attachments, well, that’s just fine by me.

In facts, it fits like a glove, like the skin that I know I am absolutely and unashamedly supposed to be living in.

The one that is grateful for and appreciate the one that was shed before as it is now the foundation for the new layer to grip and grow and prosper into something glowing. (Of course it goes without saying that this glow will be and should be enhanced with external help, after all, it’s there for a reason, use it.)

The one that has got Breathe tattooed in big black letters across my right wrist as all we ever have is this breath, right now, right here. (If you are going to get inked, why hide it? The next one, or two, maybe even three, is coming.)

The one that has had its fair share of ups and downs and has the battle scars, some not seen by the naked eye, to prove it. (Matters of the heart, need I say more? Although I don’t know where the little hole right in the middle of my nose comes from, been there since 9 October 1973.)

The one that has had goose bumps and the hairs standing up from countless exhilarating encounters and experiences. (The most recent my pilgrimage to Kilkenny, Ireland to be serenaded in a rock and roll kind of way by Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band!)

But above all, the one that will forever grow and stretch and fold and mould into more of me. (Sometimes a little more, sometimes a little less of yours truly, if you catch my drift, nudge-nudge, wink-wink…)

And if all this means having to “boldly go where angels fear to tread”, then this fabulous and fearless forty year old says – bring it on, I can hardly wait!



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